I'm Moving

That's right. I've finally decided to move this blog over to Wordpress. I could explain why, but just trust me, it's better over there. Say goodbye to the dots, but no worries: all your wild and crazy comments will remain intact. From now on, lets all meet at www.hippiekiller.wordpress.com.

I promise to have as much fun as these people are having:

Wanna Do Me a Favor?

If I knew a place around here where I could buy it, I would. But since I can't, would someone kindly send me the Sunday, July 22 front page story from the Dominion Post? You can even post it in the comments for everyone to read.

This Has Been Another Edition of I Told You So

Professional failure, former band director, and museum-quality hack David Satterfield is now listed in the WVU directory as Vice President of Research and Economic Development.
Just like what I said would happen.

Me, and a lot of other people.

But whatever. I'm still just "a dork running a misinformed blog."

EDIT: OMFG you guys, UPDATE!!!111!!11!!!1!1!!!!

Yeah, well, I remind you that when I posted this that every tissue in my body was thoroughly soaked with delicious Gordon's gin. If you go here, Satterfield is clearly listed as Director of Asset Development. Which I guess is university-speak for "Person in Charge of Finding Garrison a Suitable Goomah."

Of course, none of this means Satterfield won't be getting a promotion. But I still jumped the gun. It happens.

Might I suggest though, that any commenters wishing to drop a "hefty deuce" on my face remove Garrison's dick from their ass first. It's just easier that way on everybody.

Now Just a Damn Minute Danny

$104 dollars a year for the privilege of working in Charleston? Hey, if Danny says we need more secret surveillance cameras and a larger police presence around the city, then it must be true, right? Charleston, where boring goes to get away from it all.

And I'd just like to say that I love it when a guy who literally lives in a fucking mansion calls $104 a "modest amount of money." To many people, it might be. But he wouldn't fucking know.

Profiles in Surbage

I would like to draw attention to the hypocrisy Don Surber demonstrates when he chides Angelina Jolie for banning Fox News from the premier of her movie A Mighty Heart when Don himself has banned nearly all negative commenters from his glorified myspace page blog.

Also according to Don, by demanding that reporters not ask her about her personal life, Angelina was, and I quote, "Desecrating Daniel Pearl." Yeah. Because Don obviously knows that if Daniel Pearl hadn't been murdered, he would have really wanted to ask Angelina about her & Brad's smokin' sex life. How dare she desecrate Danny like that.

Crossposted to the Surbinator.

More Hatin' on David Chase

Here's David Bianculli's review of the Sopranos finale, which is pretty darn close to how I feel about the whole thing.

Seinfeld No Longer Worst Series Finale

And the final, nail-biting mini-plot of the Sopranos was...

Ready?!?!?!

Meadow parallel parking.

Welcome to what passes for brilliance in television writing. Show About Nothing, meet the Show Where Nothing Ever Happens.

Sure, there was some suspense: why was that guy staring at them like that? Who were those menacing looking young fellaz walking through the door? But alas, all we got was Meadow demonstrating her inept parallel parking skills while Tony, AJ and Carm ate onion rings and listened to Journey. Then a few seconds of black. The end.

After a 2 part season that featured such meaningful story arcs as a long and utterly inconsequential dream sequence, and Tony's 2 episode gambling problem which came out of nowhere and ended up leading to the same place, this is what we get: A literal non-ending. Yawn.

I've taught a couple painting classes -- laugh if you want, but at least I was good at it, which is more than Don Surber can say about his job. Anyway, there's this thing that happens ALL THE TIME with certain students, particularly with abstract painting, and particularly with students who think they're better than they are: they'll get a certain portion of the image worked up, and it will be really nice, great, luscious or whatever. The problem is they'll be so in love with that one little corner of the canvas that they're afraid to do anything else meaningful to the painting. They'll play around in the paint some, always far away from the portion they love so much, but ultimately the image as a whole goes nowhere, and they wind up with a big muddy mess instead of a finished painting.

I think this is what happened with David Chase and his precious little mob family. He created these wonderful, lush characters that truly resonated with America waaaaay back when the show debuted in 1999. And he became so enamored of his precious creation that he was afraid to do anything with it. I mean, yeah, things "happen" in the series -- Ade gets wacked, Ralphie gets beat to death with a frying pan, Vito's son shit himself in the shower -- but this was a series where ultimately, nothing substantial ever happened to the main characters. They never grew, never learned, never evolved, and what's more, they never faced consequences for their actions, good or bad. Tony and Carmella are basically the exact same characters they were when the Sopranos pilot was filmed in 1997. AJ is just as annoying and misinformed as ever, and Meadow is still the good little daughter who's a little too spoiled for her own good.

I think it's worth noting that many, if no all of the "big things" that do happen to characters happen off screen, between seasons -- like rehab, weddings and childbirth. A major happening for sure, but time we rejoin the family, everything is "back to normal," just like we remembered it in season one. So I don't think you can make the case that David Chase was just "challenging the audience" when he can't even be bothered to challenge the writers. The king has no clothes, fanboys.

So how fitting it is that in the show where nothing ever happens, nothing happened in the finale, either. Ooooo, did Tony get wacked in front of his family? Or ooooo, was it just another red herring, just like ALL THE OTHER shitty red herrings this show has served up for nearly a decade?

Who cares. David Chase didn't want to finish his painting.